I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize