I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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