he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
