Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
