I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Randomize
