I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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