she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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