I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
