Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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