Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
