He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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