based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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