My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
