OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
