i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Randomize
