pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
The best revenge is premature balding
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Congratulations! We have a period
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