then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
