the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
