my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
