Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
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