I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
she was so not down for the gang bang
you guys were way drunker than both of me
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
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