Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
