so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
