My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
