my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Randomize
