It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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