Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
