it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
high people should be assigned attendants
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
