just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Randomize
