what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
