I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
