Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
