Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
