Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
