I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
