were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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