if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
