Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
