Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
