just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
