Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
her vagine was all disorganized.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize