fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
