Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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