You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
