Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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