i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
