dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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