I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
