I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
