In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
