I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
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