You don't have asthma, your pregnant
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
