I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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