do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Ladies don't puke and tell
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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