i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
