Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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