No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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