I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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