Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
