mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I just want nice things and good sex
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
