you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
