Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
