i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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