wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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