Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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