Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
My pussy is not your playground.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
