We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Farmville is her only friend.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Who put my cat in the fridge?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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