I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Randomize
