so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Randomize
