i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
