Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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