I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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