In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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