Whod you bang
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
