It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
