On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
