$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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