Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize