I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize