omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
my poor anus
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
