508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
