I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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