dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
