you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
