My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
