I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
