lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize