it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Also, beer. Big fan.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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