Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
