This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Randomize
