I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
