First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
