Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize