Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
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