hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
